It’s now been one week since Monica’s incredible Celebration of Life service and many of you are probably wondering why I haven’t updated the site. Frankly, I’m still spent from the emotion of that day. I will always remember Saturday the 14th of July, 2007 as one of the most incredible days of my life.

I will never forget all of the faces in the crowd. I will never forget the faces of my extended friends and family. I will never forget the many faces from the church, our neighborhood, my work, Monica’s work, former work friends, the many hockey families that I have come to know and love. And finally, I will never forget the many faces of our Avon family, most notably the Avon Moto Crew, who all showed up in their blaze orange safety vests.

It couldn’t have been a better day. The only way it could have been better was if Monica was there in person to witness for herself the many people who were affected by her presence in this world. You all must know that she never understood just how much she did for us all. She never understood all of the hooplah about her life. I am deeply saddened by that and will be for years to come. Hopefully, she sees it now from her new vantage point.

It was so great to see so many familiar family and friends. I saw folks who I haven’t seen in literally decades. One such person was Dave C. Dave and I worked together in the late 80s and early 90s. We were inseparable in work and in post-work fun. Dave caught up with me shortly after the dove release and asked me if I remembered him. I have to admit that I didn’t recognize him immediately, but after he said, “Hey Dale, it’s me, Dave.” years of fond memories came rushing back. Those were all good times. It was nice to relive them in my mind.

I will never forget all of the hugs (some of you obviously got the memo! - wink-wink!). And I will never forget all of the stories that many of you shared about Monica. It will take months before I am honestly able to move past that day. It was just unreal. Oh, and don’t get me started about that dove release. Many thanks to my sisters for hooking that up. It was a fitting end to an incredible ceremony. I am still numb from the emotional avalanche.

Left to Right - Joey, myself, Jamie release the lone dove that later
reunited with her flock in an extremely powerful display of angelic symbolism.

I would like to take the time here to thank everyone at the church starting with Pastor Tom. You are awesome. Love ya, man... I would also like to thank Pat for making Monica's event so incredible. I can't say enough about the Floris United Methodist Church WoW group for not only offering up the incredible after-service reception but for all of the food. I would also like to extend my deepest gratitude for the band. YOU guys REALLY rocked! That service just wouldn’t have been the same without your talents. Last, I want to thank Becky for putting together that incredible slideshow. I spent hours putting all of the pictures together, but once Becky did her creative magic, that slideshow came alive...and so did Monica.

What now?

Now that all of the ceremonies are over, my focus has been on trying to establish some sort of normalcy in my life. I’ve made sure that there isn’t much downtime in my daily routine. I know that if there is one moment of silence, I have what I call a classic meltdown. I know that’s yet another process of grief, but I’m honestly doing what I can to stay in a healing mode. A good meltdown is OK once in a while.

It’s been a crazy month for me. I’ve been busy contacting everyone to report her passing. I’ve been on the phone with Social Security, her previous employer, banking institutions, etc. Thankfully, Monica and I had the foresight to minimize the hassle, but there is no getting around it. There are many papers to be signed and filed and there are numerous legal documents that need to be modified to reflect my new status in life. It all must be done.

As for the kids, they are busy hanging with their friends and dealing with Monica’s passing as young kids do. They don’t grieve like adults do. Their desire to get back into some sort of normal activity pattern is their number one objective. They do miss mom. They've told me. It’s just that they don’t talk about it much. It’s all good. They will be OK. Monica started them off on good footing. They will be better men for this experience.

In summary, life goes on. Take getting back to a regular schedule, throw in a spot of inner peace, stir gently with a little sadness, and you have the essence of life moving forward. It is what it is.

Life will never be the same without Monica. People continue to tell me “She’s there in spirit.” I know that. But there are times when I just want to hear her voice. There are times when I want to reach out and kiss her. And there are times when I want to see that Monica smile. I just miss those things. And I know that I will never get to experience them again...at least in this world. As one of songs in Monica’s Celebration of Life said, “I’ve got a long, long way to go…before I can say goodbye to you.”

And now for something completely different...

OK folks, are you ready for this? As of today (Saturday July 21), my father is being treated at Fairfax Hospital for complications of metastatic cancer of the pancreas. Oh, yeah… most of you don’t know about that little complication of my life. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about five years ago. He is one in several thousand in terms of survivorship of that nasty little disease.

For the past week, the folks at Fairfax Hospital have drained nearly three liters of fluid from his left lung...daily. There are a lot of question marks as to where the fluid is coming from. It may be the disease in his lung. It may be congestive heart failure. It could be a simple infection. In any scenario, I don’t have a good feeling about what is about to unfold for him...and us. That much fluid retention is a sign of something very, very wrong. As such, my personal focus has now switched from dealing with what just transpired with Monica to being there for my mom and my sisters. As they say, there is no rest for the weary.

Yep. I’ve been leading a secret life to many of you. I’ve been dealing with this crap on two fronts.

It’ all OK. I am confident that the skills that I’ve learned over the past 6.5 years with Monica will be put to good use yet again. I probably won’t be as intimately involved with my dad's progression as I was with Monica, but I will still need to deal with what awaits my him: another amazing journey.

What is next for this site?

After a lot of soul searching - and backed by popular demand, I have decided to keep writing entries on this page. I do know that I won’t be updating it daily. Those days are done. In the weeks to come I will probably post short articles (like the ones above) about Monica’s final journey. I don’t have anything set in stone, but I do want to continue in some vein. There is so much still to be told.

So much has happened in the past six and a half years and my head is literally full of things to write about. Ironically, (and this may weird some of you out) I want to write about death. Not only as a deeply personal tragedy (I think that I’ve covered that pretty thoroughly in the past three months), but as it should be treated...as a life process. My intent is to remove some of the fear that we all share about dying.

Surprisingly, I have gained a tremendous amount of respect for the process of dying. I no longer fear it as I did before. Yes, the drama that unfolded before our eyes was tragic and heartbreaking, but if we can all see dying merely as a passage, it honestly helps to take some of the pain away. For my Christian friends, remember just what the death of Jesus did. While His passing was a highly emotional physical event for the principals, what happened afterwards was the birth and subsequent evolution of Christian doctrine. That legacy lives on over 2000 years later.

There will always be a void in the lives of the Cooper boys. That is certain. But the gifts that we received by her passing so peacefully empowered us all. There was no fear in our room the night Monica passed. There was only peace and comfort. No one ran out the door in fear. No one left her to die by herself. Personally, it changed me forever. The greatest fear I had was misplaced. HAd I only known that 6.5 years ago!

As I have written many times before, cancer took her body, but it did not take her soul.

Monica passed peacefully with a young son on each hand. She took her final breath as the entire family hugged her and kissed her. Second to the birth of Joey and Jamie, it was the most amazing thing that I ever witnessed.

It’s kind of strange how that works. Life is a cycle. We are born, we live, and we die. Why should death be any less amazing than being born?

Final Note

The Connection newspapers of Northern Virginia wrote a beautiful story about Monica in its July 18 Herndon edition. I have included an electronic link to her story for your benefit. I don’t know how long it will remain on-line, so check it out as soon as you can.

Hit this link to go to the story.

Thanks to Connection reporter Scott Krischke for putting together such a fantastic story.

At 1:35PM Saturday July 14, I had the great pleasure to report to all of you who were in attendance for Monica's Celebration of Life service that I completed my personal goal of collecting pins for all 50 states of this great nation! My final email came in at about 11AM that morning. While I was able to secure each state, I was also proud to see several representatives from the District of Columbia, and from 15 foreign countries (thank you Canada - I was wondering when you were going to chime in!). The great state of Wyoming was the final state to report. Thanks to all of you who participated in this great project. The only sadness that I have is that Monica never saw the completed project. If you pardon the pun, she would have been tickled pink to have seen every state represented.

In any regard, this project showed us all that our support network truly was global in scale. It just goes to show the power and the reach of the internet... and of the human spirit! Thanks to everyone who participated is this unique project!

THANK YOU, USA!

Alabama - Alaska - Arizona - Arkansas - California - Colorado - Connecticut - Delaware - Florida - Georgia - Hawaii - Idaho - Illinois - Indiana - Iowa - Kansas - Kentucky - Louisiana - Maine - Maryland - Massachusetts - Michigan - Minnesota - Mississippi - Missouri - Montana - Nebraska - Nevada - New Hampshire - New Jersey - New Mexico - New York - North Carolina - North Dakota - Ohio - Oklahoma - Oregon - Pennsylvania - Rhode Island - South Carolina - South Dakota - Tennessee - Texas - Utah - Virginia - Vermont - Washington - Washington, DC - West Virginia - Wisconsin - Wyoming

And thank you folks from the following foreign countries:

Afghanistan - Argentina - Austria - Canada - England - Guatemala - Germany - Ecuador - Egypt - Japan - India - Jordan - Panama - Scotland - The United Arab Emirates