Not one day passes without me thinking about her. My most difficult times of the day are when I arrive back home from work. Even though my guys are home, there is (pardon the paradox) an emptiness that consumes me as soon as I walk in the door.

I cannot help but feel sad. I think back to the days when Monica was up and about. When I opened the door to our house, she would either be making dinner for us or entertaining one or more of the neighbor ladies. Yes, there were many times when I would return home to find her napping upstairs, but the point is she was there.

Back then, I would greet her, kiss her and talk to her about her and my day. The emptiness that consumes me for the first ten minutes of my return home are symptomatic of a broken heart. I never thought that I could miss someone so dearly. Just after Monica passedm, I foolishly figured that after a few months it would go away. Hardly. It never completely goes away.

Just last night I sat with Joey alone in our living room. We lit Moni’s candle and watched the clock strike 9:51PM. As a tear streaked down my left cheek, I looked at him and said, “I miss her so much.” To which he replied, “Silly daddy, you will always miss her.” Such wisdom from such a young man.

Back to the constant above, nothing will ever be the same. While most people tend to linger in the negative aspect of that concept, I’m trying my best to follow that up with: should that always necessarily be a bad thing?

The answer to that question is obvious to me. The answer is no.

Life without Monica will never be the same. That is a fact. But over the past eight months, my two boys and I have done our best to pick up the pieces and move on. We have discovered a new and exciting things in life. Sadly though, it's without Monica in our physical presence. We have not forgotten her (we can’t), but we have moved forward knowing that she would have given anything to see us rebound as well as we have. It shouldn’t be all that surprising once you think about it. The previous entries that I have put on this web site support that fact.

This collage of my guys is very symbolic of how we are moving on. While we remember our past, we don't dwell on it. Life is good.

We have surrounded ourselves with friends both old and new. We have all celebrated and honored Moni’s life in many new ways. In the coming months (once things in the Cooper family finally settle down), I will get Monica’s foundation off the ground. I have to. I have a huge group of Merrimack College fans who are all over seeing that dream come to reality (more on that topic in the next few days).

It’s all part of the plan to keep her in our lives forever. Nothing will ever be the same for us. But I’m learning that it’s not such a bad thing. The new experiences that we Cooper Boys will have in the coming years will only supplement an incredible life that we have already lived….when she was here.

It's that time of year again

Once again, I will be taking to the streets of DC in honor of Monica and the millions of other folks who are now or who will be in the future – battling this bastard demon disease (and it’s close relatives). The Avon Walks for Breast Cancer tour kicks off in April in Houston. In May, I will be participating in the Washington DC Walk. Right now, I also have plans to walk the Charlotte NC walk in October.

My regular readers will recall that the 2007 DC Avon was the final walk in which Monica participated. Simply go back to the May 2007 entries on this site to relive those days.

Folks, I made a promise to Monica three years ago that I would continue to walk these walks even after she left our world. Why? It was for three huge reasons. 1) to honor her, 2) to honor and support those in her place, and 3) because she would still be doing the walks herself if she could. These walks meant that much to her.

It is now the time to ask you for your support. I hate to do this, but in order for me to participate in these walks I have to raise $1800 for each walk. Please go to my official Avon web link (click here) for instructions on how you can help me to realize my financial obligation.

My instructions for donating are on the site. Since I will probably be walking multiple walks, I need the donations done a certain way. Sorry. It’s the nature of the beast.

Thank you all ahead of time for your support (either moral or financial).

Saying Goodbye to Dad

On Thursday February 21, 2008, we said our final goodbye to my dad. The picture below is of Joey and Jamie leaving roses on my father's final resting place at Arlington National Cemetery.

Dad recieved a full Air Force funeral service featuring an honor guard, a 21-gun salute, and a bugler, who played "Taps."

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, prayers and condolences with the passing of my father.

Pennies from Heaven Update

I continue to recieve a steady flow of PfH letters. I am moved by each one. Please, keep them coming.

To read excerpts from some of the many letters I have received (click here).

As for my personal PfH account, I have found $7.10 in pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and dollar bills (yes, I've found four $1 dollar bills!). I consider that one helluva Monica day when I find a $1 bill!

This will give you the willies. I found three one dollar bills at Fair Oaks Hospital. Fair Oaks Hospital was where Monica had her biopsy.

Why was I at Fair Oaks Hospital? To lend emotional support to the to a dear friend of mine whose daughter who was admitted to the Emergency Room with what we were relieved to learn were non-life threatening health issues.

I am still accepting your pennies (especially your notes of good will and grace). You can still send your pennies and notes to:

PFH (Pennies from Heaven)
c/o Monica Cooper
3009 Cross Creek Ct.
Oak Hill, VA 20171