Since the beginning of the school year, we Cooper Boys have been running non-stop with all cylinders firing. There’s been little (if any) time to just sit back in our Lazy Boy chairs and watch the leaves turn.

Jamie has just wrapped up a stellar football season with his Chantilly Youth Association 85-pound “A” team. His team finished undefeated in regular season play, won the Fairfax County League Championship, but lost 14-8 in the team’s Metro Bowl game against the Price Georges County Maryland champion last Saturday (11/24). Regardless, Jamie’s place kicking earned him a spot on the team as one of the leading scorers on the team. He finished with an incredible mark of 42 out of 43 successful extra point kicks. A few were blocked, and a few snaps were bobbled, but when it came to putting the ball through the uprights, he was almost perfect. Hence his nickname: “Money” - for “money in the bank.”

Joey has decided to wrestle for Oakton High School this winter. Training camp for the wrestling team started in late October and he has been busting his tail getting in shape and learning the art of Greco-Roman wrestling (the REAL wrestling). He has worked hard enough to earn a spot on the varsity practice team (yes, as a freshman). While he hasn’t earned that starting position, his coach has taken enough interest in him to make him the 105 pound varsity reserve wrestler. This is one step above JV.

Some of you may ask, “What about hockey?” As most of you know by now, hockey has been our family activity since both kids could walk, er skate. You will all be comforted to know that yes, both boys are still skating for me, but as both boys mature, the interest that they once had for the game is being tapped by other interests. Joey plays for me when wrestling doesn’t take precedence. And Jamie plays for me when football and girls (yes, girls), don’t uh, interfere. It is what it is. I fully expected this day to come, but as long as there is still a spark for on-ice fun, my guys will be with me when time and schedules permit.

Scholastically, both boys completed their first semesters with extraordinary success. Joey brought home a 3.45 GPA and Jamie a 3.85 GPA. Both lads have been notified that the grades must remain in that range for the rest of this year in order for them to remain in my good graces.

I can feel Monica’s pride from Heaven above. With the scholastic and athletic successes that these guys have brought home to me, she is resting easy knowing that our guys have picked up the pieces of their lives and have made a conscious effort to honor their mother’s most sincere request. Her dream was to see them carry on in all facets of their lives. So far, so good.

As for me, my life has been consumed with making sure that house remains livable, that all of the schedules are met, that all of the mouths are fed, that all of the bills get paid, and that I too, find time to carry on. It’s been a steep learning curve, but I feel that I’m honestly doing OK. Don’t think for one second that life has been a cakewalk. I have as many meltdowns as I do successes, but as I tell everyone who cares to ask, this is life. This is where we are in life right now and there will never be a day that things will go 100% my way. I’ve learned to pick my battles and focus on “the big picture.” I don’t have time to worry about the little stuff. I don’t have time to fight battles that I know that I cannot win…or affect. I don’t have time to think about lost opportunities.

Life is good. I miss Monica every day, but I now accept the fact that she’s not here any more. I cannot change that. I cannot wish her back. All that I can do now is remember her, honor her memory and see to it that the promises I made to her are kept.

Family Update

As all of my regular readers already know, my dad is very ill (yes, I know “what else, Dale?" – refer to my last note about life for a reality check). His condition is grave, but for every bad day he has, he seems to rally the next. His situation, although related to his treatment for pancreatic cancer, is driven primarily by general organ breakdown. His body has been so beat up so badly the past few years that is it no longer able to support itself.

Dying, in his situation, is far different than what Monica went through when she came home to hospice care. For Monica, her passing was driven by the unstoppable and viciously aggressive advance of her cancer. In just a few weeks, the disease in her bones and liver accelerated to the point where the disease totally consumed her abdominal cavity (and we believe eventually to her brain). For dad, his disease, although also not static in its growth, is far less aggressive. His primary issue is organ failure. Unfortunately, organ failure is a very long and unpredictable progression.

No one can tell us when he will pass. Only God knows, and he ain’t tellin’.

Dad is being taken care by my mom, my two sisters and a team of hospice personnel. I check up on him when my schedule permits.

Our Holiday Season

As predictable as night and day, the holiday season comes and goes on its own schedule. And regardless of the emotions that each special day brings, they have to be faced head on. There is no escaping the calendar.

I have received a number of inquiries about how we have fared thus far this holiday season and to be honest, we’ve been so swamped with so many activities that it really has helped to dull the sting of Monica not being with us.

Thanksgiving weekend was consumed with two family dinners on Thursday, Jamie’s final football practice on Friday, Joey’s wrestling practices on Friday and Saturday, and Jamie’s championship football game on Saturday. Sunday we spent the day raking leaves and preparing for the coming school week.

I am coming to the realization that this is the secret to making it through these times. I have found (as my kids have found before me) that when I absorb myself with friends or life’s many activities, be they school, athletics, work, or home stuff, I find myself in a better place. I miss her not participating in our lives, but focusing on the immediate task-at-hand protects me from the internal anguish that know still seethes inside.

I’ve heard many stories about people who have lost loved ones the common theme is that the more one engages life, the less pain is felt. I got an email from my aunt Lori in Bangor Maine just today and she echoed my realization...she lost her husband (my Uncle Roger) in a hiking accident three years to the day Monica passed. She said, “I've made it through by making sure I spend some time with my family.”

This is how we (survivors) manage these days.

What becomes difficult for me is when I sit down by myself on these quiet chilly fall evenings and watch my pellet stove as puts out its fan-propelled warm air and its firey orange glow. I look at the mantle where Monica’s cremains rest and I think about my day. It’s then that I talk to her. I tell her what happened that day. I tell her I miss her. I tell her that I love her. And finally I let her know that we’re really doing OK. It’s grounding as it is heart wrenching. But it is what I need to do to keep moving forward….as Monica wanted us all to do.

Good Things Come to Those Who Walk - Update!

On the weekend of October 20-21, I flew down to Charlotte, NC to participate in the Charlotte Avon 2-Day Walk for Breast Cancer.

Rehashing my last entry:

“Just after I finished the walk, people started coming up to me with pennies. I believe that I got back close to 25 pennies in all, but one stood out from the rest. As I was chatting with one of my fellow walking buddies, a little girl, no older than two years old, held her hand out to me with a single penny. Without speaking, she handed me the penny as if to say, “Please Mohawkman, take this back.” I took the penny from her tiny little hand and dropped to my knees. I then hugged her for what was only a few seconds but to me it was for eternity. I immediately broke down in tears. I could not believe what I held in my arms. She didn’t pull back, nor did she speak. According to one of my walker buddies, this little angel rested her head upon my shoulder as I wept. After our embrace I stood up, put my hand on her head and told her that she made my day. After reflecting on that single moment in time, that little angel didn’t just make my day, she changed my life forever. For it is now she, the living spirit of Monica, who I will walk for next [year].”

Just to let you know, the good Lord answered my prayer. A day after I posted my original plea to find my little angel, I received an email from her mom. Folks, let me please introduce Madison.

Madison was the little angel who changed my life forever. The gift of peace that she gave me will live in me forever. Take a look at this little angel. She so reminds me of Monica. Her sassiness, her demeanor, her undeniably self-confident posture. She is Monica in cherub's clothes. She's happy and full of life.

God bless you, my little angel.

Pennies from Heaven Update

I have recieved a steady flow of PfH letters. I am moved by each one. Please, keep them coming. I will be posting excerpts from a few of my letters in the days to come.

As for my personal PfH account, I have found $2.63 in pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and dollar bills (yes, I've even found a $1 dollar bill). I consider that one helluva Monica day when I find a $1 bill!

I am still accepting your pennies (especially your notes of good will and grace). You can still send your pennies and notes to:

PFH (Pennies from Heaven)
c/o Monica Cooper
3009 Cross Creek Ct.
Oak Hill, VA 20171